Lessons from Motherhood

In two days, my Sweet Caroline will be ONE YEAR old. Wow. I know that most people think of this as a huge milestone for the child, but it is also a pretty big milestone for me because that means that we have kept a human alive and thriving for an entire year. If you knew me before I had a child, you would understand why I think this is such a big deal. The thought of being solely responsible for a little person and knowing exactly what to do with said little person terrified me.

Caroline has no doubt grown, but I have gone through a pretty remarkable transformation myself: I became a mom. Not just in the sense of carrying and giving birth to her. No, no. That was the easy part. It is a whole different story when that little person is on the outside and it is up to you to decipher that cry and do your best to figure out what that little person needs. Through all of this, I have learned a few things. These are things that I find to be "truths" of motherhood. They may not be the same for everyone, but these are some lessons I have learned from my first year as a mother.

1. Babies cry. Some times a lot. Some times for no reason. Some times for a very good reason. Some times it makes you contemplate self-inflicting your own hearing loss.

2. There is no limit to what you will do to make your child smile. Public humiliation is not out of the question.

3. Mothers/parents operate under a new kind of normal. As in it is normal to only get two hours of sleep and still be a functioning human being the next day.

4. You're tired. Really, really, really tired. Raising humans is tough work physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can't think of one time in the last year that I haven't been tired. Even when you get a full 8 hours of sleep, you are still tired.

5. Multitasking takes on a whole new meaning. I am fairly certain that I could conquer the world with a baby on my hip at this point. There is not much I haven't done while holding Caroline. Including getting dressed. And with that, you become much more efficient. I am throughly convinced that if our government were run by mothers, we would not be in this current predicament.

6. You learn a whole new meaning of "happy". Sure I was happy before I had Caroline, but it just doesn't even compare to the happy that I know now. One little smile can make my heart dance.

7. Things change between you and your spouse. Usually for the better in many ways, but having a child is also a whole new stress on a marriage. It takes some work and LOTS of communication to keep things going smoothly.

8. The mountain of laundry never ends. I am convinced that Santa's Elves moonlight in the off-season and dump clothes in my laundry baskets when I am not looking.

9. Your house will never be the same. You know that beautiful coffee table that you just had to have? You will seriously rethink it when you have a mobile child. All of a sudden, you will find yourself very into the "padded and tufted" look.

10. You keep a whole new set of hours. For instance, I had never been in a restaurant before 7:00 p.m. The thought of going to dinner at 7:00 now makes Steven and I cringe. We are tight with the blue hairs and enjoy the early bird special.

11. You have to trade in a lot of things that were once important to you. I say "trade in" because I don't really feel you have to give everything up (unless you are a meth addict, then yes, it is a case of "give up"), but you definitely have to put aside what you want in order to meet the little persons needs. The funny thing is, the vast majority of the time, you don't even realize you are sacrificing something for yourself. And when you do realize it, you don't care.

12. Baby poop stinks. I don't care what any one says. There is no way of sugar coating it and just because it came from a sweet little person does not mean it is sweet. To this day, I still gag every single time I change a poopy diaper.

13. Mother/parenthood makes you do things you never ever in a million years thought you could do. See number 12.

14. I am convinced that God installs a "reserve tank" in women when they become mothers. Even when you think you're running on fumes, you somehow keep trudging along.

15. That being said, I am pretty sure he puts the cheap gas in that reserve tank because you do some pretty stupid stuff when you are in that mode. I may or may not have put shaving cream in my hair instead of shampoo. And that is probably the least humiliating of my offenses.

16. You can kiss your memory good-bye. I am convinced that being a mother kills brain cells. There are days that I literally can not remember if I put deodorant on 5 minutes ago. So I put it on again. And again.

17. The size of the boogers that can come out of such a little nose will never cease to amaze you.

18. There are a lot of days that you "just want a break". And then the minute you get one, you miss that little face.

19. Some times you just need a good cry. And a hug. And a glass of wine. And a lobotomy.

20. Teeth are evil. Really, really evil. I am convinced that teething is a form of terrorism.

21. Even will all the precautions in the world, babies will eventually get sick. And you just have to ride it out.... In the recliner.... For three nights in a row.

22. "Sterilized" takes on a whole new meaning after a couple months. Rather than germ-free, "clean" in our house now means "Did Fred lick it when it fell on the floor? No? Ok."

23. You will have crazy thoughts. For example, at 3:00 a.m., you may find yourself silently cursing your husband for his inability to lactate... And you may want to smother him with his pillow because he is sleeping so peacefully. (I said you will have crazy thoughts; I never said act on them).

24. Never in your life will you be more interested in poop. You may or may not demand play by play details of the diapers you don't change. You can recall with total accuracy how many diapers your child has gone through in the last week, yet you can't even remember if you brushed your teeth that day. And you don't even find it odd when it becomes a dinner time topic of choice between you and your spouse.

25. Never say never (except in the case of mini-vans). You never know what good ol' motherhood will force you to do.

26. You will never look at ordinary objects the same way. You begin to look at them as either potential toys or hazards.

27. You're tired. Did I mention that already?

28. The contents of your purse will totally change. Where it used to contain lip gloss, a brush etc., it now contains Boogie Wipes, Baby Mum Mums, and toys.

29. You begin to measure time in increments such as "How many Baby Mum Mums will it take to get through the grocery store?"

30. Some times you just have one of those days like the above picture illustrates. And for the record, yes, I did actually post that sign on my door... And left it there for 2 days....

31. You will begin to forget what life was like before this wondrous little being arrived. And you will wonder what you did with all of your time.

32. Some days, there is just not enough caffeine in the world. Because you're really tired. Have I mentioned that yet? Did I mention memory loss as well?

33. The furry creatures which were once your babies and your everything become *gasp* dogs.

34. Your husband notices when you put on make up and fix you hair in the same day.

35. You don't think much about the fact that your shirt is covered in drool/snot/spit-up.

36. You learn a new definition of fun. Whereas fun used to be dinner and drinks, it now consists of dancing to Elmo's song and playing peek-a-boo.

37. You learn a whole new definition of love. The really really good, warm-fuzzies all over, take a bullet, unconditional kind of love.

38. Your parents, aka "The Grandparents", no longer get excited to see you. As a matter of fact, they don't even realize you are in the same room.

39. Before buying any piece of clothing for a girl, the do-I-have-a-bow-that-matches factor becomes one of the most crucial criteria.

40. Leaving the house feels like you are leaving to go into battle for 3 years. This is what the Boy Scouts refered to when they said "Always be prepared". Because what can go wrong, will go wrong while you are out.

41. It is hard. Really, really, really hard. Nobody tells you exactly how hard it is. If they did, you wouldn't do it. But it does get easier; never easy, but easier. Even with that said, at the end of the day, you would do it all over again just for that one little person.

(I know, it is kinda random that I had 41 reasons. I'm not one to end on a random number like that, but that's all I can think of and Caroline just woke up, so I better get back on the job!)